Well, listening to Red Symons’ breakfast progam this morning I was disappointed to learn that on the eve of our once-in-a-lifetime European trip, the world is about to end. How disappointing.
All these months of discussing, researching and planning and we won’t even realise our dream. Just when pretty much everything is done. Farewell drinks? Drunk. Travel vaccinations? Injected. O/s bank accounts? Established. First nights of accomoodation? Booked.
I’ve just wasted the last six months saving, restricting and putting off everything enjoyable so that Europe could be one big indulgence. O well.
11 days to go.
September 11, 2008 at 9:59 pm |
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet been to Paris.
September 12, 2008 at 6:37 pm |
Tell me Louis, when you were winning bullfights in San Juan you didn’t run into a bloke named Miguel, did you? He was known for his ‘butufoul ftotos’. I heard from someone else that ‘he is enjon his retire’ and just wanted to pass on my ‘congracelosion’.
September 14, 2008 at 9:25 pm |
Hey yappa, we went and saw a real life elvis impersonator last night. He was even better than the real elvis….. did you ever know that the real elvis couldn’t hit the really high notes and was lip synching???
I’m full of amazing facts…..it’s probably my swiss heritage. So the elvis we saw is actually better than the real one, or did I tell you that already??
We had a big storm the other night – plenty of thunder & lightning. The power went off b/w midnight and 3am, so that saved us a few dollars.
The awning leaked and the good chairs got blown away.
Having a great trip (but there is quite a bit of broken glass around the streets because the crime rates are so high)
Ian (xoxoxoxo)
P.s. the robbers took a dozen eggs
September 15, 2008 at 2:10 pm |
Hey Ian, there’s another bloke – his name is Ian too – who wants to hear more about your story. Call him Macca, drop him a line Sunday morning next on 8333 1020 – 02’s the code. http://www.abc.net.au/australiaallover